Toast! A Fleeting Friendship

To S.

I know you transferred to our class last year.

My previous roommate once told me

That you’re going to be my classmate soon

and that you love to read in English as well

and that maybe we could be good friends then.


Sometimes I saw you walking around

talking around

dancing around

in your little, peaceful, safe-havened world.

You seem to be so oblivious to the reality around you

and I guess that’s why I didn’t say hi to you in the first place

because I didn’t want to burst the lovely bubble,

the lovely bubble that I wish could stay intact without a trace


During the year we were perfect strangers

We chatted sometimes but nothing important

You talked to me first and I’d always remember because

it was the first time you came to the other side of

your little fortress

So we became familiar strangers

Again, we chatted in class but still nothing important

And we just let it stay that way


Later this year,

we talked about books and books and books

but this time,

there was something else more about ourselves,

or should I say


I thought maybe you let down your guard gradually

and knew that it’s okay to be yourself around me


For a moment I really thought so

for that you told me about your family, friends, and concerns

about your dreams, future, and your world of color

I also thought I knew what you’ve been through

and I never stopped comforting you,

or bringing some brightness in your dark life

Times after times after times after times

you never showed gratitude from your heart,

only meaningless words like “Thank you” instead.


I tried not to care about your indifference to the happiness from people who love you

and really deemed you as a dear friend of mine.

It was October, 2016

that we became closer and closer

at least that’s what I believed

and then there was a great birthday for you,

a great dinner with you,

and a great Christmas for both of us.

Everything seems to be too wonderful to be true.


I never once doubted our friendship

until I realized how exhausted I was whenever I heard your stories.

I hated myself for feeling helpless to your situation and tired afterward

because this wasn’t what a friend’s supposed to be

but it’s painfully true.

Worse yet,

I also realized even after all this time,

you were still wearing a mask around me.

A thinner mask compared to the one you wear around the public.

But still,

there’s a mask.

So there was a time

when you weren’t ready to switch from different masks

and accidentally slipped a piece of yourself,

the real you,

in front of me.

Then you snapped.

At me.

I know it’s the end of our fleeting friendship,

but it’s okay because

during that tiniest moment,

I finally,


saw the naked truth,

and I accepted it nonetheless.

Because I know,

it sets both of us free.


In a new year,

it’s going to be a brand-new start for me

and we’re going back to be

the familiar strangers?

Or the perfect strangers?

It’s up to you.

Because I’m finally free.

It’s a true story based on my friendship with S.

I just felt like expressing our stories here and please forgive me for the weird and informal prose style. 😛




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