I know you transferred to our class last year.
My previous roommate once told me
That you’re going to be my classmate soon
and that you love to read in English as well
and that maybe we could be good friends then.
Sometimes I saw you walking around
in your little, peaceful, safe-havened world.
You seem to be so oblivious to the reality around you
and I guess that’s why I didn’t say hi to you in the first place
because I didn’t want to burst the lovely bubble,
the lovely bubble that I wish could stay intact without a trace
During the year we were perfect strangers
We chatted sometimes but nothing important
You talked to me first and I’d always remember because
it was the first time you came to the other side of
your little fortress
So we became familiar strangers
Again, we chatted in class but still nothing important
And we just let it stay that way
Later this year,
we talked about books and books and books
but this time,
there was something else more about ourselves,
or should I say
I thought maybe you let down your guard gradually
and knew that it’s okay to be yourself around me
For a moment I really thought so
for that you told me about your family, friends, and concerns
about your dreams, future, and your world of color
I also thought I knew what you’ve been through
and I never stopped comforting you,
or bringing some brightness in your dark life
Times after times after times after times
you never showed gratitude from your heart,
only meaningless words like “Thank you” instead.
I tried not to care about your indifference to the happiness from people who love you
and really deemed you as a dear friend of mine.
It was October, 2016
that we became closer and closer
at least that’s what I believed
and then there was a great birthday for you,
a great dinner with you,
and a great Christmas for both of us.
Everything seems to be too wonderful to be true.
I never once doubted our friendship
until I realized how exhausted I was whenever I heard your stories.
I hated myself for feeling helpless to your situation and tired afterward
because this wasn’t what a friend’s supposed to be
but it’s painfully true.
I also realized even after all this time,
you were still wearing a mask around me.
A thinner mask compared to the one you wear around the public.
there’s a mask.
So there was a time
when you weren’t ready to switch from different masks
and accidentally slipped a piece of yourself,
the real you,
in front of me.
Then you snapped.
I know it’s the end of our fleeting friendship,
but it’s okay because
during that tiniest moment,
saw the naked truth,
and I accepted it nonetheless.
Because I know,
it sets both of us free.
In a new year,
it’s going to be a brand-new start for me
and we’re going back to be
the familiar strangers?
Or the perfect strangers?
It’s up to you.
Because I’m finally free.
It’s a true story based on my friendship with S.
I just felt like expressing our stories here and please forgive me for the weird and informal prose style. 😛